Mangled Up, So Sue

Early one mornin' t.v. was blarin'
Joe Scarborough to you,
Anticipatin' the Supreme
Court was about to rule.
Pundits were all twitterin'
Right-wingers so relieved:
"Certain victory belongs to Us!"
Or so they'd a had ya believe
I was sippin' coffee, smokin' cigarettes
Waitin' for a good excuse
To spout what I thought best--
Whatever it turned out to be . . Breakin' news
Mangled up, so sue

They consolidated the A - C - A
From a dozen legal claims;
Lower courts disagreed, I guess
Their thinking wasn't all the same.
So Constitution kibitizers,
From Fox-y ladies to some guy
Kept on bragging they knew more,
All chattered they knew why.
Then came the big attorneys
As Obama's lawyer said,
The Plaintiffs they all said, too:
"We shall convene the Court Supreme . . to dispute."
Mangled up, so sue

They started in to argumentation
On principles of morals
Don Verrilli appeared the man to beat
But then he bombed the orals.
Clement rose to address the Court
His dulcet tones alive
The video snapped him on the steps
Afterwards slappin' five.
But all the while we surely thought
We had everything to muse
One little bit we forgot,
Being blithely ignorant of . . Chief Roberts' views
Mangled up, so sue

She was workin' in a topless place
And I stopped in for a beer--
No wait, that's wrong, that's Dylan's girl.
Ruth Ginsberg is my dear.
She tore the Right a new one big
Her opinion visceral
"Commerce Clause rules you narrow-minded fools
Not pure greed au naturale"
She lost the Commerce Clause but she got her way
Roberts' vote still wins the trick
Whatever anybody say
All she needed was two Catholics . . and three Jews
Mangled up, so sue

The joint dissent was frozen cold on pages burnin' hot
Precedents and rules so long
But it all boiled down to: NOT!
Then they opened up Papers Fed'ralist
From a couple a centuries past
Written by Alex Hamilton,
Handing liberals their ass.
Kennedy was so ticked off
Secretaries feared a busted gut
Calling out judicial peers,
Scathing interjections, but
He ain't seen nothin' 'til he hears . . Scalia blow his fuse
Mangled up, so sue

Alone in judges' chambers hidden down the hall
Roberts pondered what he read
Carefully contemplatin' all
Even what the Times had said.
Then something in his brain went Pop!
Suddenly there dawned a light
The Democrats would smile he knew
But--ahem--not so the Right.
So Taxing Power came to be
The ruling of the Court so strong
Republicans can still accuse
But blog grievance for only so long . . then just brood
Mangled up, so sue

So Now we're goin' back again
Implementin' the new reform
The Blue states trying to perform
Red states kickin' up storm.
Looking at physicians
Wielding their surgical knives
Reminds us that it's difficult:
Trying to save some lives.
But those Left- and Right-wing pundits
And elected officials too
Can now be seen on the Beltway scene
Doin' what they always do . . which is schmooze
Mangled up, so sue