

The Grind.
Screen capture from Adults with Down Syndrome and Alzheimer's Disease: A Practical Guide for Caregivers, Department of Media Services, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, Tom Laws videographer. Used with permission.

"You haven't seen the video yet?" Candace asked me as she pondered the crowd. "Then you might want to sit off to the side. It's very emotional."
Excellent advice, that was.

From left, Michelle Pelton, Linda Batista, Alexandra Szostek and Shawna Farias of the Diman Regional High School Health Careers Program.
Good kids. Their teacher, whose name I forgot to get, was overly impressed when I told him while chatting that I was "blogging this."

Ray Guay demonstrates his technique for both comforting and leading an agitated person with Down syndrome and Alzheimer's.
Screen capture from Adults with Down Syndrome and Alzheimer's Disease: A Practical Guide for Caregivers, Department of Media Services, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, Tom Laws videographer. Used with permission.

Dr. Julie Moran, DO, Director of the Geriatric Primary Care Clinic at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, answers questions following the screening.

Dale Evans and Roy Rogers, Republic Pictures publicity photo. Public domain.
The quotes from Dale Evans' book are from the first edition, Fleming R. Revell: Westwood, NJ, 1953.

Arthur Miller at an award ceremony on April 5, 1998 at the J.F.K. Library in Boston. (AP Photo/ Victoria Arocho)

My younger brother painted my older brother's portrait.

She asked for a kiss
Screen capture from Adults with Down Syndrome and Alzheimer's Disease: A Practical Guide for Caregivers, Department of Media Services, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, Tom Laws videographer. Used with permission.
All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
A recent article in the New York Times, Prenatal Test Puts Down Syndrome in Hard Focus by Amy Harmon, implied that studies "suggest" that persons with Down Syndrome carry a "higher risk" of early-onset Alzheimer's disease. In a Newsweek column earlier this year, The Attack on Kids With Down Syndrome George Will also mentioned an "increased risk" of Alzheimer's for persons afflicted with Down syndrome.
According to Dr. Julie Moran, Director of the Geriatric Primary Care Clinic at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, to call the risk "higher" or "increased" is somewhat misleading. The current controversy on the matter within the medical profession is whether to describe the risk as 99% probable or 100% certain. The question arose in connection with a training video Dr. Moran produced, Adults with Down Syndrome and Alzheimer's Disease: A Practical Guide for Caregivers.
I recently attended a pre-screening of that video sponsored by People, Incorporated!, a non-profit agency in Fall River, Massachusetts specializing in services for the developmentally disabled. To my surprise, the screening was extremely well-attended, over 100 people, including professionals in the field and family members of those with Down syndrome and Alzheimer's. Even some students from the Health Careers Program at Diman Regional High School gave up a beautiful day of Summer vacation to voluntarily attend.
The video features :
The caregiving family member is my mother, and the afflicted is my brother.
He's 55 years old now and has been symptomatic of Alzheimer's for five of those years. He's been late-stage Alzheimer's for three or four years now-- probably four, but if only three, he knew the Red Sox won the World Series, and I prefer that illusion.
In the video, Dr. Lai describes the pathology of the condition and its implications for caregiving. Because such persons were already low-functioning developmentally, for example, it can be difficult to diagnose early-onset Alzheimer's and, again because of the pre-existing condition, the progression to late-stage dementia happens sooner. Almost all adults with Down syndrome begin exhibiting symptoms of Alzheimer's at around age 50, though she points out in an article for the ARC Advocate, Spring 2006 (Waltham, MA), that symptoms can begin as early as age 40.
Mr. Guay provides a wealth of tips and practical advice for dealing with the myriad of problems associated with the condition(s), calming an agitated person and even how to avoid accidently agitating the person yourself. "Approach from the front," he advises, for example, because objects in their peripheral vision tend to cause anxiety and fear.
My mother describes the experiences of a family member closely engaged in caregiving.
The video is, as Dr. Moran told me, "Geared to the caregiver, the people on the front line on a day-to-day basis." Her hint of battle or warfare is not inapt. As in all wars, the objective costs are measurably enormous--and feelings typically run immeasurably high. I asked two officials of People, Inc., Mark Duval, the Residential Director, and Nicole Cabral, the Coordinator of Psychological Services, about programs and costs.
Mr. Duval told me that the conventional day-hab model was obviously inadequate for this population that agencies will soon be required to provide for in increasing numbers. Even the typical group home, which has been the foundation for service provision to the developmentally disabled for a generation now, can't be sustained as a solution. Adults with Down syndrome and Alzheimer's not only require close and consistent staff contact to maintain their health and abilities for as long as possible, but the provision of such care in a day-hab or group home context deprives others in those facilities of needed staff contact. Any "new service model" capable of providing humane and effective services, he contended, will have to include some version of a "One to One staff program" probably related to current PCA (Personal Care Attendant) programs.
At the moment, their agency is only providing for one client in need of those special services, but they are already providing services for many adults with Down syndrome now, many of that certain age, so the construction of services and training of personnel is little short of urgent. Ms. Cabral pointed out—it seems obvious once you think of it—that even the real estate involved will have to be specialized. They're hoping to set up a house soon, but it will have to be gutted and the interior rebuilt. Facilities have to be one-story houses without steps inside or out.
Dr. Moran explained that to me. Negotiating stairs is actually a fairly complex task, requiring depth perception, balance, physical coordination and ordered movements. As the Alzheimer's sufferer regresses cognitively, they lose what they once knew. I know I first noticed the definite deterioration in my brother by watching him try to come down a set of stairs I'd watched him easily negotiate for years.
It seems obvious that providing even the minimum in humane care for this population is going to cost a lot of money—public sector money in most cases—and require considerable commitment of time and energy by professional and family caregivers. One of the reasons that this undertaking will be so great is the changes in social attitudes about the mentally retarded and other social issues that occurred over the last generation or two. But those very attitudes are destined to be the source of passionate conflict and those immeasurably high feelings I mentioned earlier.
Those attitudes combined with changes in medical protocols and technology have produced an odd, nearly paradoxical phenomenon I call "The Window." Before the 1950s or so, mental retardation and Down syndrome in particular was regarded as (at best) a tragedy to be resolved as quickly as possible. The tragedy sometimes resolved itself naturally because, according to Dr. Moran, infant mortality ran about 50% in such children. The resolution for most of the remaining children was institutionalization in short order, where they had estimated lifespans of about twenty years. So, death in infancy or after a childhood of institutionalization was the fate of most such persons. Thus, they weren't around to generate strong feelings in the public sphere. They were never discussed in public, and even in private, within families, they were frequently not discussed.
But beginning about 1950 (probably exactly in 1950, as I'll show below) to about 1970, attitudes transformed incrementally and Down syndrome children were more and more kept by their families and raised at home as modern medicine steadily increased both their chances of surviving infancy and their expected lifespan afterwards.
However, once medical science succeeded in identifying the genetic defect at the root of Down syndrome and amniocentesis was invented, allowing for testing for Down syndrome in utero, more and more prospective parents with fetuses known to be Down syndrome opted for termination of pregnancy, since, meanwhile, abortion had been decriminalized. According to the recent New York Times article cited above:
Until this year, only pregnant women 35 and older were routinely tested to see if their fetuses had the extra chromosome that causes Down syndrome. As a result many couples were given the diagnosis only at birth. But under a new recommendation from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, doctors have begun to offer a new, safer screening procedure to all pregnant women, regardless of age.
About 90 percent of pregnant women who are given a Down syndrome diagnosis have chosen to have an abortion.
This means, in sum then, that whereas two generations ago, Down syndrome children were rare creatures, it seems likely that two generations hence, Down syndrome children will be similarly rare for an entirely different set of reasons. So society has a window of about two generations of persons afflicted with Down Syndrome who are relatively common within the social experience of most people.
Prior to 1950 in almost all instances, and following that until about 1970 in lessening instances, Down syndrome was widely regarded in society at large as a "Shame," both in the sense of "Oh, what a shame" and in the more potent sense of something to be "ashamed of." One set of my in-laws (all dead now) were never told by my aunt that there was a Down syndrome child on her side of the family. Over thirty years she kept the family "secret."
Almost all obstetricians and pediatricians advised strongly against keeping a Down syndrome child at home and supported that advice with recommendations and diagnoses that were both disturbing and frightening. Mothers were told, for example, that bonding was counter-indicated because the baby would probably die soon in any event--so the children were kept from their Mothers. Since my brother was a first born, the doctors told my mother to "put him away" and have another baby as soon as possible to fill the void. If children were already present in a family, parents were told, as in the case of the playwright Arthur Miller, that a Down syndrome child in the home would retard the development of other children in the home, setting up an impossibly tragic conflict for parents between the best interests of two or more children within a family. (See: New York Times 1 Sep 2007, A New Stage for Arthur Miller's Most Private Drama of Fathers and Sons).
But social attitudes began to change on August 26, 1950. That was the day that Roy Rogers and Dale Evan's "Mongoloid" daughter Robin was born. Evans was an incomparably brave woman, for she not only defied the doctors' frightening advice by insisting on bringing her baby home to raise, but she defied the prevailing social convention of Shame by making sure that literally everyone in the country knew that her child was Down syndrome. Sadly, the doctors weren't completely wrong--poor Robin only lived for two days less than two years, yet her life was documented in book written by Evans that remains in print to this day, Angel Unaware by Dale Evans Rogers.
By the time George Will's Down syndrome son Jon was born in 1972, the culture of Shame and Fear had almost entirely faded, although a new complex of social attitudes had not quite established itself. Public sector programs like Special Education had been instituted and medical protocols had advanced to such a degree that Down syndrome children like my brother were growing into young adulthood socialized, educated appropriately and with their families comforted by the possibility of their children's potential for happiness, heath and security being fulfilled.
During the first twenty years or so of Jon's life, a new culture of Celebration and Rights developed--the celebration evident in the continuing stream of heartwarming stories which became a staple of local newspaper human interest and in the critically-acclaimed television series Life Goes On starring a highly-functioning Down syndrome actor, Chris Burke. You yourself feel the celebration as an ordinary person in the ordinary course of an ordinary life witnessing the forthright yet common presence of Down syndrome persons. That Down syndrome person you see smiling at you at the end of a supermarket checkout line never failed to soften whatever resentment you might've felt at the person ahead of you with eleven items in the ten-items-or-less line.
Simultaneously, the Disability Rights movement successfully pressed for legal and civil rights for the developmentally disabled in all fifty states, culminating in the Federal Americans with Disability Act.
So by the time Michael Berube's Down syndrome son Jamie was born in the early 1990's, the social, medical and legal environment surrounding those with developmental disabilities had been almost entirely reversed from what it had been barely a generation earlier. Berube, a Professor of Literature at Penn State, also wrote a book about his child, Life As We Know It: A Father, a Family, and an Exceptional Child. In addition to the painful personal narrative, the book lays out his literary theory of Disability Studies.
On one level, Berube's book is about as far from Dale Evans' book as it's possible to imagine and still place both objects in the category of "book," yet, on the other hand both are animated by the same emotive force, hanging from the same narrative frame. She was a provincial who left school to elope out of Uvalde Texas at age 14, a devoted and undoubting Fundamentalist Christian and conservative Republican; he, a New York City born, Ivy League educated liberal/left cosmopolitan. Nevertheless: They loved their Down syndrome child, they hurt, and they found solace in writing of their love and pain. Together, they perfectly frame the social history of Down Syndrome over the last 50 years.
Growth in a field thought barren is no less than thrilling, the redemptive reward for the planter infinite. Dale Evans explains in the brief first person introduction (the text proper is written from Robin's point of view) that:
It has been said that tragedy and sorrow never leave us where they find us. In this instance, both Roy and I are grateful to God for the privilege of learning some great lessons of truth through His tiny messenger, Robin Elizabeth Rogers.
And the point is emphasized by Norman Vincent Peale (The Power of Positive Thinking) in the introduction to Angel Unaware:
Where most babies die and leave their mother crushed, Robin put on immortality and her mother found the very joy of God in what otherwise might have been an overwhelming tragedy. [emphasis added]
Here, with the declarations of joy, gratitude and privilege, we see the foundation of the culture of celebration. And yet . . . despite its obvious appeal to our more beneficent impulses and the morally superior demand for humane treatment of the developmentally disabled, there is something discordant and dissonant. It's all well and good to celebrate Evans's courage and strength of spirit, but what about "most" mothers who Peale himself says would be crushed by such events? Do we leave them abandoned and unconsidered because their lives aren't the kind of lives likely to be celebrated?
Even if Peale's language is hyperbole, if the experience isn't crushing for most, it's not fun. One of the mothers of a Down syndrome child quoted in the New York Times article on pre-natal testing says:
"If someone had told me Sam would still be in diapers at age 5 — ugh — I probably would have died. . . . Living through it, not such a big deal. Because you don't give birth to a 5-year-old, you grow with and love this kid for five years."
Which reminds me of a story. My brother was born. My mother changed his diapers for a year-and-a-half. Then the twins were born. She changed ours until we were toilet-trained at the normal age. Still she changed my brother's. Then my younger sister was born three years after the twins. Then my Mother changed her diapers. Still she changed my brother's. Changing diapers on the same child for five years is a Grind, especially when it seems possible that the diaper-changing will be perpetual. Every one of those tiny triumphs documented in those heartwarming local newspaper stories or on Berube's blog represents months or even years of grinding stagnation and failure. Not everyone is capable of withstanding that grind.
Tilling the seemingly barren field is always hard work, even when growth unexpectedly occurs--how demoralizing and dispiriting it must be to plant that field so diligently and to see little or nothing sprout.
I don't mean to sound bitter. I do indeed understand the rewards of those tiny triumphs. What I resent, I suppose, is romanticizing by the purveyors of the heart-warming sentiment, as if that's all there was to it. When you share a smile with the Down syndrome cart-collector at the supermarket and then step spritely to your car, you have no idea of the energy and effort that had been invested to give you that moment of touching grace. There was 23 hours and 59 minutes of grinding behind that minute of the day you were given. Deciding that that minute is worth the 23:59 is a value judgment, a trade off, that not everyone is willing or able to make.
The presumption that one Down syndrome family's experience will be as positive and rewarding as the next is simply unwarranted. In Tolstoy's construction, the part of the experience that's happy is the same for all of us; the part that is unhappy is unique to each of us. And the unhappy aspects don't make very interesting or uplifting stories. The predominant subtext in the current culture of Celebration and Rights is to generalize precisely those aspects of experience that don't need to be generalized or that have been repeatedly generalized already and to leave unstated those specific aspects of experience that do not easily fit the new attitude.
One aspect of the Down syndrome family narratives I've read, from the items in a local paper to the books, is how the families or authors almost invariably employ those experiences and construct those narratives to vindicate and validate pre-existing worldviews--this writer most definitely not excepted. I remember during the heated debates on the Terri Schiavo case one of my interlocutors brought me up short with the pointed rejoinder that just because my brother was one step away from Schiavo's condition didn't mean I owned the issue (and I expect there will be those who make a similar and not altogether unjustified claim about this very work).
Still, is it not notable that Dale Evans situates Robin in support of her view of Christianity, that Michael Berube situates Jamie within Literary Theory associated with Disability Studies and that George Will situates Jon as a powerful argument against Roe v. Wade?
The temptation seems to be all but irresistible, although perhaps necessary as a coping mechanism, but do we not lose something of the Down syndrome person as an individual when we use our experiences of them as a buttress for a worldview? When the Disability Rights laws were being passed in the 1990s one social worker excitedly informed my mother that my brother was now eligible to vote, and urged her to have him registered. The underlying generalization was that the developmentally disabled were citizens too, and should have all the rights citizens have.
Are you kidding me? No way my brother registers to vote. Philosophically, of course, he shouldn't vote because he is incapable of the kind of abstract thought required of a knowledgeable citizen. Granted, I'd love to have had an extra vote for Bill Clinton that year, which I could've had by simply taking my brother to the polls, having him clog the lines as he signed in, then telling him "Bill Clinton is the good guy, Bob Dole is the bad guy," but that wouldn't have been very ethical. But practically speaking, registering him to vote was a ridiculous idea.
He would register to vote. He'd get on the list of those subject to be called to jury duty. He'd get called. My mother would fill out some form declaring he's incompetent to serve. Some judge or bailiff would decide it's just someone trying to avoid jury duty. My mother would have to waste a day driving my brother to Dedham to present him in person for disqualification. It's not like that all hadn't happened before when some fool at the Pentagon tried to draft him to go to Vietnam. The well-intentioned social worker, at the end of the day, while celebrating the right to vote, was in all truth probably simply adding to the Grind.
Do I think the developmentally disabled should be allowed to vote? Actually, I don't know, or rather, I think it should be decided case-by-case, but in any event, it's not important. I'd rather my brother have the right to services that allow him comfort, happiness and security than that he be given a right he can never really understand or utilize as intended. Is mainstreaming and inclusion a good idea or a bad idea? Again: I don't know. It has to be case-by-case. Those who would or will benefit should be mainstreamed, those who wouldn't or won't should not be.
When I read this passage in the "Prenatal Test" article, I guess I must have shuddered:
[A] growing group of parents is seeking to insert their own positive perspectives into a decision often dominated by daunting medical statistics and doctors who feel obligated to describe the difficulties of life with a disabled child. . . . .
The parent evangelists are driven by a deep-seated fear for their children's well-being in a world where there are fewer people like them. [emphasis added]
The deep-seated fear, I get. The skepticism of the medical profession, I get. The evangelism, I don't. And that evangelism is implicit or explicit in almost all the family narratives that reach public notice. Will, for instance, says:
Jon, a sweet-tempered man, was born the year before Roe v. Wade inaugurated this era of the casual destruction of pre-born babies. And he was born just as prenatal genetic tests were becoming routine. Since then, it has become routine to abort babies like Jon because they are like Jon. Without this combination of diagnostic advances and moral regression, there would be more people like Jon, and the world would be a sweeter place.
Will also says in his column that life-expectancy for Down syndrome has risen to 56, although the Times article claims 49. But it really doesn't make any difference because those extra 7 years will simply be a rapid descent into late-stage Alzheimer's anyway. Isn't modern medicine "sweet"? Okay, that did sound bitter, and I meant it this time.
Will offers a general proposition, that the world is a sweeter place because his son Jon is in it. I'm sorely tempted to say that that is untrue simply because of the indirect influence Jon has on Will's polemics, but in truth, I don't know whether the proposition is true because I don't know Jon. Is the world a better place because it includes a population of persons with Down syndrome? As a general proposition, that remains an open question. I don't know.
But.
I do know that my spirit is enriched and my own life is better for having lived it with my brother.
jfx This is a stunning look into the lives of families that have raised a Down child in the home. The frankness you applied to the process was commendable. There's a lot to think about, especially the part about "the window". There may be a lot of rare human birds within the next several decades.
The photo of the hands was very moving. We have a Down person in our family and I know that the hope to outlive her child is always on the mother's mind.
Jack,
Do you have more than one brother? Perhaps I am assuming (ack) something not true.
jfx @ 2.3
The ninth thing I didn't know about you:)
jfx @ 2.5
Very interesting. So the window is closing sooner than originally thought?
Many women think that "Prenatal" is not important because is expensive, what they don't know is that it's a full package.
Thanks for what was doubtless a very difficult process.
With Alzheimer's and with Down Syndrome I am always filled with 'I don't know's'. I have worked in the medical field with Down Syndrome patients and work daily with Alzheimer's patients. One thing which is very clear is that the stresses on their families are tremendous.
I deeply admire those who meet these challenges with grace.
jpark,
I know what means stress because an in-law has Alzheimer. However, when he stayed in my home I filled the room with family's pictures that could help him to wake up and see familiar faces. He keeps a high five hygiene and wear his cologne. We enjoyed his visit and sometimes he gave me the impression that he was all here, his eyes could not lie.
Professor,
Very touchy. I can't send this article to my close friend that has a granddaughter with the Down Syndrome because she just had a cuadruple bypass and this will be too much for her. Thanks a lot.
Jack,
Most families can appreciate your positive perspectives here (and bitterness, too). I do know families on both sides of this sword.
Thanks for publishing the article, and for pointing out the richness in our lives from personal relationships with those who have an extra chromosome.
I know you don't need me to affirm what you already know, but I'll say it anyway: They are the ones who make a difference in our lives, and each is as different as you or I or the next person.
BTW: Beautiful painting!!
Professor, it's an amazing painting, a piece of art really.
I do know that my spirit is enriched and my own life is better for having lived it with my brother.
And that is what matters most......
Thank you for sharing this.
I've read this article twice now!
So I'm asking, how so? I actually don't feel I have to disagree with it, but that's because people have they're own experiences. It's like me telling you that you have no right to be bitter. DS is a blessing, not a curse!
Except, I haven't been there. So I don't know.
Jack:
It is in the honest sharing of stories like this that can lead to a greater understanding.
That is the one of the reasons I invited you to join Caregivers.
Jack,
This article touched me deeply. And, it is OK to say, "I don't know".
What I found out about myself this past week is none of us know. We think we do, but when truth be told, we speculate based on perceived notions of how we will react to certain life events. Being human, this is all we can do ... especially when it comes to a loved one. Our knowledge base and our true reactions to emotional events ... well, let's just say they don't match up ... they are not even close.
The more you love someone, the more painful the experience HAS to be. I learned something else about myself as well. I CAN and I WILL endure this pain for as long as "it" takes. I will do this because the pain I am going through only increases the "love" I will cherish in my heart forever. Believe me ... it is worth it! It is worth it!
My love and prayers go out to you and your family,
Nance
Jack,
All I know is I know I don't know, but I know this is going to make perfectly good sense to someone reading this. That's about all I know about knowing (or anything else for that matter) right now. Honest.
One minute I'm fine, then something (who "knows" what) triggers an emotion and I start to cry, get angry, get frustrated or whatever comes up, and then I'm "fine" again.
What I finally figured out this a.m. is I am not only mourning the death of my mom, but the death of my family (as I knew it) as well. I feel as if Mom was the only one holding my family together, and "almost" everyone has gone freakin' nuts!
So, yea ... I mean no ... I mean I just don't know nuttin'.
Unfortunately Nance it is going to be like that for a while. As for the family, in time someone will step up and pull the family together. But right now everyone just needs time to process their grief.
Mary
I sure hope you are right, Mary. There is just so much ... well, just so much nasty behavior. I'm having a very hard time conceiving how adults can behave in such a selfish, childish and hurtful manner. It is surreal, at best.
I grew up in Italy. In my neighboorhood there was a boy with Down Syndrome. His name was Nicola.
I agree with George Will: If there would be more people like Nicola, the world would be a sweeter place.
Of all my friends in that Italian street, Nicola is the only name I still remember.
Very tough reading. I kept wandering into difficult memories of grandparents with the Big A and a Down-boy from my church youthgroup way back.
Those afflictions are so utterly heartrending...
I know this is lame, but thanks for putting this up.
Excellent article. I enjoyed your perspective and your honesty. The view from the trenches always seems to be the one with the most truth and practicality.
Jack, I found your article profoundly moving. If I take one thing away from it, it is not to judge how families deal with a child with Down Syndrome. I have observed the life of one, a girl called Megan, who lives most of the year in a home and visits her family a few times a year. She is sweet, lovely child, and has brought joy and angst to her family, but not in equal measure. As you say, this is a situation that shouldn't be romanticised.
I can only imagine how much more physically and emotionally exhausting it is for families that have someone with DS living with them full-time. I think you have given us an inkling of this. This link with Alzheimer's, about which I hadn't known before reading your article and earlier seed, seems to be so extraordinarily unfair, coming as it does on top of so many difficulties. It is wonderful that your family is sharing its experience to help others.
The DS granddaughter of my close friend was expected with love, it was not easy for them to accept the baby after the test, regardless this little person let everybody know that she has her own personality and reacts to the love of her family.
This is incredibly moving and honest. I, too, was unaware of the link between Alzheimers and DS. It seems to me that it's important to call attention to the dangers of romanticizing DS as it may leave parents unprepared for the real challenges they will face. I hope this gets published somewhere where it will receive the wide audience it deserves.
It did get published somewhere--on Newsvine! Although I am sending the link around to some folks in the field.
Good answer, Jack.
It's self-published on Newsvine, and it's earning money, too. :)
Insightful, slice-of-real-life Piece
Even those I disagree with on the subject offer a slice-of-real-life.
Yes, very true.
And, I enjoyed reading the follow up, post, below.
Thanks for your honesty, Jack. "I don't know" stands out. Since each life is unique, we never know--how hard, how emotionally fulfilling, how frustrating, how loving--living with a Down's syndrome person, or anyone with special needs will be.
JFX: This is one of the best, and most heavily researched articles I have seen in a while at Newsvine.
A quote from the article:
'That Down syndrome person you see smiling at you at the end of a supermarket checkout line never failed to soften whatever resentment you might've felt at the person ahead of you with eleven items in the ten-items-or-less line.'
Yes.
Professor, the Follow Up is very you and I wasn't surprised.
About the Supermarket. I know two employees with the Down Syndrome and one already is a Cashier and the other girls she takes so seriously her job that it's amazing. My heart breaks when I see her rolling the carts left in the parking lot and she refuses any help. She is very proud of her role, she does not smile but always there is a thank you in her reply when I ask how is she doing? Very correct and proper.
Professor, these two I consider that they are exceptional. He started bagging the food and little by little he has been growing in the job. The same with her. He is assigned to the self checking line.
Notice that it's not easy to bring the shopping carts (20 or maybe more at the time) and I think that I will crash them against any parked car.
I am the stepmother of a DS boy. He came to me at six not potty trained and eating only mashed potatoes and drinking OJ and milk from a training cup. For some years now he has lived in a Christian community where he is very cherished and has his own jobs and his own role. Needless to say, raising him to the point where he could live in a community like this was hard, but seeing him now is very rewarding. He is a very cherished member of our family. He is now in his early 50's. Needless to say, we do not know what the future will bring. However, in all honesty I have to admit that, had I known what it would take to raise him before I took him on, I might not have had the courage. As you suggested above, once you love someone, you just keep on keeping on, and sometimes it works out well. Thank you for sharing your family's experience. It makes me feel a part of a community in this respect.
Thank you again. I have already alerted the leaders of the community where my stepson now lives of the contents of your article, and they will now be on the lookout for signs. They do see that he gets regular medical checkups, as well, and will discuss this with his doctor.
I once worked with a lady who was pregnant in her 30's - she was given a screening test for Downs'. It supposedly came back positive but she refused to abort and the baby was perfectly normal.
Are there different tests for Downs'? Is it something that has to be interpreted or a simple yes/no test? I am not understanding how the test result could be wrong, and who knows how many unnecessary abortions have been done...
Hey Laura,
Since I was 36 when I got pregnant with my son it was a high risk pregnancy because of my age. My screening test came out positive, too, for possible genetic disorders including Downs. The definitive test for genetic abnormalities is an amniocentesis, not the screening test. The screening test is mostly just a tool to see whether or not an amnio is indicated. My husband and I initially chose not to have an amnio because we felt it would not change our decision one way or the other. After the screening test came out positive and an additional ultrasound showed signs of abnormalities (in our case it was an extra #17) we changed our mind so we could at least be prepared for when he was born. Thank God everything was ok in the end, but it was a horrible, scary experience.
Brenda,
Mistakes are made by Labs. I remember the case of two mastectomy to a lady when it was unnecessary.
jack
Congratulations on your article. 15 minutes well spent. The time reading , I mean. Not the time it took you to put it together. ;^)
Did I tell you about the twins I knew, one of which had Downs and the other was gifted? Fascinating to watch them interact.
I don't know what the numbers were on the guys I knew, but there was that unique spooky twin bond going on between them that superseded the differences in IQ. It was almost like they had a separate reality just for the two of them when they were together, which no one else could enter.
Damn you, Jack.
Absolutely beautiful article. Clearly exhaustively researched, and as all amazing pieces are, written from the heart and soul.
I have to read it again in order to comment on its specifics. At the moment, I've been reeled back in time 11 years, to when I was pregnant with my son, and was told that one of the tests I'd taken indicated that he'd most likely be born with Downs. I took that phone call in the bathroom, right after I'd gotten out of the shower, and my daughter was sitting in her bouncy-seat, and I sank to the floor and the lifetime of my as-yet unborn son raced through my head while somehow, I asked pertinent questions.
I spent the next 16 or so hours pouring over the books, and realized that they might have made a mistake in the figuring.
I called the next day and asked, desperate, sure, "You know, when the nurse filled out the order for the test, she wrote down the wrong number of weeks I'm along. Could that make a difference?"
By the time I'd asked that question, I'd already called everyone I knew who had a child with Downs. I'd called different agencies. I'd called schools. I'd made every fargone phone call I could think of. Never once did it occur to me to have an abortion.
No golf claps, please, because I certainly don't deserve it. What's bugging me right now after reading this is that I thought it at other times, when it was likely that I'd have a perfectly normal child, and not when it seemed likely I'd not.
Sharing, maybe, too much. But when others share with me, I feel compelled to share as well.
So thanks, Jack. You've made me think. You've put me in a place I'd forgotten I owned and have thus far refused to revisit.
No, no.
I'm pro-choice. But I've had to face the choice myself under several different circumstances, and I've made all of the choices one can make.
That's why I'm pro-choice. Because when you're pro-choice, you get to choose life when it happens to be the best choice, or at least the best choice at the time. And there's not really a whole lot of time to make that choice.
I've chosen life a few times. It was the choice that really matters. The ability to make that choice.
But this is not what this article is about.
You know, when you say the word "choice" over and over again, it starts to lose its meaning. I just noticed that.
Which is why the choice should be available to you. Because you never really know what you would choose until that nasty ole reality intrudes.
But again. This isn't what your article is about.
Jack - this is a very special tribute to your brother and a piece that I would love to see shared with as many families of those with Down Syndrome as possible. So often we are haunted by what we don't know......but in this case what seems most important from this outsider looking in is what you do know:
I do know that my spirit is enriched and my own life is better for having lived it with my brother.
Thank you again for sharing this very personal, very honest, and very moving account of your family's experience with Down Syndrome with all of us at Newsvine. I hope you find the means to share it with other DS families.
What is so odd is that I consciously tried not to be "very personal" or "very moving
Jack - I did recognize that--however, the undercurrent of raw emotion that comes from 50+ years of loving someone is what makes this article so powerful in my humble opinion. Also, I'm not sure if you're familiar with a recent bestseller called "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" - this novel (I know you're not a big fiction fan) develops this idea from your your article to the extreme:
Almost all obstetricians and pediatricians advised strongly against keeping a Down syndrome child at home and supported that advice with recommendations and diagnoses that were both disturbing and frightening.
Jack: this is great stuff. Sorry I didn't see it earlier. I just clipped it to Newsviners Picks.
I've worked with Down Syndrome students and one of my current client's mother's had
alzheimers for 20 years so I can sort of relate some of what you talk about here. I'll read this again tonite when I have more time.
We bury my downs syndrome brother later today. He was 48. I thank God for having him as long as we had him, and I thank God in his mercy for taking him home. It was Larry's fear to outlive his mother. He didn't.
We grieve, how we grieve, but we rejoice that for Larry, there is no more pain of arthritis, no more falling from lack of oxygen.
God is so mercifully good.
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